Faith, Culture & The Church
"In Him [Christ] you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit."
(Ephesians 2:22, NIV)
(Ephesians 2:22, NIV)
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In a previous post, A Letter From the Young, I expressed a call to all of us adults to see the challenges that the young face in this world full of access to technology, rampant with loneliness and in need of healthy ways of life in the midst of it all. A seemingly fitting analogy for this call for adults to step into the lives of the young is a playground:
When we were younger than we are now, we used to play in playgrounds with fences around the perimeter to keep us safe and within bounds. We had adults who knew what it took to keep us safe. But where are those fences now? Where are the adults who know where the perimeter is and who put up the fences to let us know where the lines of safety are? Where are the protectors and guides who outline the boundaries for us and blow the whistle to keep us from crossing over to places that harm us?
Perhaps you read, A Letter From the Young, and wondered: What does it look like to be a guide? How do I help set up boundaries to keep the young safe, healthy and thriving? If so, the 6 ideas below may be helpful for you to put this call into action. This list is not exhaustive, but it is a start.
1.
Teach through modeling and discussions that devices are tools we are to control, but that if we are not careful can control us. These tools, when they are in our control, help us learn and grow. But when used to fill a need for relational connection, avoid boredom or as a means to generate ideas, it will not satisfy and potentially leave one craving more. Steve Jobs once used the analogy of a computer as a bicycle for our minds. (This was 25 years ago so I think it is suffice to now say, any personal technological device in place of computer.) A bicycle is a tool to carry a person to a destination he or she planned to go. And it gets one their more quickly than walking. But the rider determines the direction, pedals the wheels and steers the bike in the direction she intends to go based on the purpose she has for getting on the bike. Knowing why we use our devices and setting time limits on how long we will be on them helps us remain in control of the tool we are using. Perhaps this analogy in itself will help you explain to a child the positive ways in which to view and use the devices around them--most importantly, determining purpose and destination prior to tuning in, singing on, or scrolling through.
2.
Know the guidelines for screen time issued by The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP). Then work towards following them as many days of the year as you can. The site, HeatlthyKids.org, is full of specific and helpful guidelines. Here are the recommendations from AAP:
3.
Do not allow devices of any kind in bedrooms or behind closed doors. Keeping screens in view not only helps you monitor what a child is doing, but the amount of time spent on a screen. Also, avoid screen use before bed. Staring at a screen makes your brain alert and alters the melatonin levels in your body, making it both hard to fall asleep, stay asleep and get into deep (REM) sleep. All of which heavily impacts your metabolism, your mood, your appetite for sweet or junky foods (and in turn your weight), your risk of developing diabetes and possibly even cancer, the list goes on and on. (Harvard researchers, Psychology Today).
4. Guide your child based on your family's values. In our family, we value learning, exploring and adventure. We value togetherness and interaction. In addition, we value hard work. Ways we instill these values in our home is by using them in our reasonings for our actions. In the summer, our children are required to “earn” screen time by completing the following list of chores and activities. There were many summer days they didn’t even get to screen time because they got caught up in the creativity birthed from the activities required on the list. Also, when screen time is allowed, compromise is taught because only one screen can be on in the house at a time. This promotes negotiating skills and screen time as something done together. Lastly, if there are friends over and screen time is requested, our answer is always, “We spend time with our friends when they are here. We don’t use screens because our friends came to spend time with us.” Allowing your family’s values into your language and conversations both teaches your children what is expected and helps them to see that they too can learn to make healthy decisions based on what aligns with your family values. (For more on creating and using family values, check outTriune Leadership’s Family Portrait Retreats.)
5.
Become familiar with brain research and the impact technology, gaming or screens can have on development and self-control. It may be hard to find unbiased articles, but wade through what you find and glean what is helpful while not allowing fear to overtake your thoughts and actions. One helpful book is, The Culture-Wise Family: Upholding Christian Values in a Mass-Media World.
6.
Let the Bible be your guide. Memorize, instruct and frequently discuss the meaning of pertinent Scriptures with the young in your life. In a culture that is always changing, we know that God’s word is constantly steady, active and able to penetrate to bring to light Truth, wholeness and wisdom. Believe that Scripture can help you know how to guide yourself and others to healthy boundaries in the area of technology, social media and entertainment. Here are some verses to get you started:
I believe the most powerful ally in this endeavor is the wisdom, discernment, and courage that is provided to all those who ask for it from the Lord. My challenge to you is to seek out knowledge and advice on how to navigate guiding the young to healthy habits but to not stop there. Instead, to continually seek the Holy Spirit’s guidance for what is best for each of the children you are guiding. And also for yourself. We lead others well when we are able to model for them healthy boundaries and habits in our own lives. Let the strength of the Lord be your source of grace, power and victory in pushing back the against norms of culture that can silently and slowly bring destruction to one’s heart, soul, mind and strength. Let’s claim and live the hope and promise found in Jesus’ words recorded in John 16:33, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
Technology is not evil. In fact, many amazing miracles and relationships have come about because of the advances of communication technology. I love that I can keep up with former students and colleagues who literally live around the globe. Yet, we need boundaries to live healthy and productive lives and the younger generation needs us to help them learn wisdom within boundaries. All of which begins with placing media and personal devices in a rightful place in our lives, as tools that can be used for good when combined with wisdom, guidance, an understanding of the purposes and side-effects, and appropriate boundaries.
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Tuesday, October 16, 2018
Dear Adults,
Hello, you might know me. I am one of the young. The future. The next generation. I know you see me, and I know you hear me. But I wonder some days do you know and see how to help me? Do you know and see how hard it is to be young during these times we are living in? Sometimes I hear adults say, what is going on with kids these days? I am not sure what they mean, but it leaves me wondering if perhaps we are not measuring up to expectations. To be honest, there are just so many expectations to wade through; the pressure of them all leaves me overwhelmed sometimes. I wonder, do you know what it is like to keep track of a cell phone, a Chrome book, a 6-day rotating school schedule, soccer practice, have social media presence AND keep up with all the other things that go along with growing up: navigating relationships, hormones, reputation, image, peer pressure, temptations and the loss of innocence. Do you see us collapsing under the expectation that we manage all of this and still somehow remain kids? Did you know that our generation is one of the most connected, but loneliest? Did you know that our generation is most likely to be safe from the harm of others but more depressed and suicidal than previous generations? Did you know that even though we know how to use screens and navigate technology without fear, no one has experienced this technologically-filled kind of life, so we have little to no one setting up boundaries for us? When we were younger than we are now, we used to play in playgrounds with fences around the perimeter to keep us safe and within bounds. We had adults who knew what it took to keep us safe. But where are those fences now? Where are the adults who know where the perimeter is and who put up the fences to let us know where the lines of safety are? Where are the protectors and guides who outline the boundaries for us and blow the whistle to keep us from crossing over to places that harm us? Yes, our generation has so much freedom. So much information. So much access to everything we could ever want or need to know. Yes, we know how to use apps and websites to learn and connect. But what if it is all too much for us? What if we need boundaries and advisors to blow whistles to keep us safe? What if we need time limits and parameters and rules to guard our emotions, minds, and hearts against the loneliness and depression that comes with always having the option of being connected sitting in our hands or backpacks? What if we need to be kids again? What if we need to only be held responsible for a backpack, some textbooks, a few number two pencils, and six wide-ruled notebooks. What if we need to be given permission to unplug? What if we need less freedom and more faces in our lives reminding us to limit screen time to only what is required to get homework done? What if we need fewer options for what goes in our ears and minds and more eyes looking us in the eye and reminding us that what we see in front of us is our real life and it is one worth loving, exploring and enjoying because it is a gift from the Divine Creator who has beautiful and prosperous plans for every day, right where we are? What if we need you to lead us by example? What if we can’t carry this load because we weren’t meant to? Will you step into this hard world with us? Will you get down to our level and see what it looks, feels and sounds like to be growing up in these times? We need you to see us. We need you to see our future and lead us there. We need you to be the ones who help us navigate this adult world because we don’t know how. We have the information. We have the products. We have access to more than you can even imagine, but what we need is you. We need you to teach us how to establish healthy habits and discern appropriate usage of technology. We are too young to know this on our own. We need you to teach us because our lives and your future depends on it. The next time you see me with earbuds in, would you choose not to walk by, but to grab my attention and engage me in a conversation. The next time you see me scrolling when I could be playing, would you be brave enough to call me out on it? Maybe even kick a soccer ball my way and play with me? The next time you hear me obsessing about what I saw or heard online, would you be bold enough to ask me a question about my “real” life or relationships with friends? It is hard down here. We just don’t always have the words to explain how or why. We don’t always know how to ask for help. We need you to see us so well that you know when we need help and how to offer it. Will you be brave, bold and deliberate in showing us the way to fight back the norms of culture that seem to wash over us with a subtle but eroding force? We can’t know what isn’t taught. We can’t do what isn’t modeled. We can’t meet expectations that are not made clear. Would you teach, model and explain how to navigate this world with grace, humility, and confidence. We would be ever so grateful if you did. With invisible tears,
The Younger Generation
The above compassionate reflection was inspired by what I see each day as a middle school teacher, along with my reading of the following texts:
I highly recommend parents, or any adults who have influence on children, teens or young adults, check out these resources to gain knowledge and understanding on the culture the young are facing in the days ahead.
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