Warning: You will wrestle

Dear Reader,

I need to warn you of something: DO NOT read the following books within weeks of each other: Jennie Allen’s, Restless, Christine Cain’s, Undaunted, and the book of Nehemiah! (Viewing the movie, Lincoln, added some punch too.) It will rock your world and your heart will ache--longing to simply follow Jesus with abandon. You will want to walk out your door and change the world and cast the lies of Satan out of any thoughts in your mind or the words of bystanders who say that you can’t possibly make a difference. Your inner monologue will be all warrior-like, in a Christian kind of way.

And you will wrestle.

You will crave boldness in your purpose. You will want to know what it feels like to save lives. You will be desperate to know how to daily do the opposite of shrinking back (Hebrews 10:39).  You will want to change your name to Nehemiah and hope that the anointing that was on him could also be upon your life.

And you will wrestle.

There will be other conundrums like, I am I supposed to be a Joseph (Genesis 38-49) or a Caleb (Numbers 13) here? Am I supposed to be like Joseph and walk the my path of servant-like positions never seeking a position but instead serving diligently, waiting on the Lord to bring me to my position of influence. Or am I supposed to be more like Caleb and Joshua who demanded that the people listen to them and see that God is bigger than the circumstances, that if God has called us into a promised land that he will provide a way—earthly obstacles are not obstacles for God. There are no obstacles for God (Except, perhaps, our disobedience and lack of belief?).

And you will wrestle.

You will have dreams and visions and your head will spin with the possibilities of how God could use the threads of your life to free people. You will look around your culture and see people bound up in the lies of comfort, completely unaware of the bondage, unaware of a need for freedom. You will want to shout out your doorstep, “Stop the madness! We don’t “need” all this stuff. What we really need is each other. What we really need are relationships. What will fill us with contentment is meeting the actual needs of others (Matthew 25:31-36). We would have more time for them if we didn’t have so much stuff to take care of, fix, remodel, work to pay off...” But you may be unable to do so because just might be guilty of conforming to culture’s comforts too.

And you will wrestle.

But you will not despair! You will hunger for a better understanding of the Bible. A closer, more intimate relationship with God. You will desire to use the might and power given to you through Christ to labor in the Word, making it the anchor of your heart. You will recognize that an awakened heart, though it will stretch you and leave you aching, is a heart that feels in a new way (Ezekiel 36:26). And a heart that feels is a heart that is not numb. And you will not wish back your numb heart.

And you will wrestle.

But you will find courage that was hidden deep down. And you just might send some emails you never thought you would to people you were not certain would want to hear the "wisdom" of a thirty-three year old (“young”), fiery, passionate, female on a mission to quit shrinking back. You will begin to understand (and want to live out) that the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom (Proverbs 9:10) and the fear of man should not be a compass for your journey.

And you will wrestle.

Because you just might get that job opportunity that you had wanted a year ago, only to recognize, through teary eyes, that you are now more uncertain than ever where in the entire world God wants you to be. Because when you pray the prayer, “I only care what you think God, help me live that” you really aren’t prepared! Because as much as you try not to, you naturally assume it is going to mean one thing. But then you get an invitation that looks like maybe following Jesus will make you look like a completely unstable person who can’t stick to a strategic life plan—and that bothers your strategic-self.

And you will wrestle.

Because you know that opposition is not a reason to give up and throw-in the towel on assignments or people: Instead, it is a call to dig into the of truths the Bible, solitude with the Lord, and send out a battle-cry against the one who comes to kill, steal and destroy all that is good and able to bring freedom. You wonder what completing the work with one hand and armed and ready to fight with the other (Nehemiah 4:10-23) looks like.  You will struggle to grasp life application.

And you will wrestle.

And you will know that to wrestle is to be in good company, “So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.” But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” The man asked him, “What is your name?” “Jacob,” he answered. Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.” (Genesis 32:22-31). And you will pray that your wrestling is purposed and leads to blessing others.

And you will wrestle.

And in your heart you will know that to wrestle is a part of the Christian life because your heart and the powers of the earthly realm have ulterior motives—they will never align. But His kingdom comes to earth in glimpses when, in Christ’ power, you muster up the strength to fight for the freedom of your soul and the freedom of others.  And in those moments you will find blessings, and moments of rest, and a peace that surpasses understanding(Philippians 4:7). 

And you will pray,

“Hear my cry, Oh Lord,

Attend unto my prayer.

From the end of the earth,

Will I cry out to Thee.

When my heart is overwhelmed,

Lead me to the Rock,

That is higher than I...

For Thou hast been,

A shelter for me.

And a strong tower,

From the enemy.

When my heart is overwhelmed,

Lead me to the Rock,

That is higher than I...”

And you will rest (Matthew 11:28), knowing that the Savior of your soul hears your every word (1 John 5:14) and sees your every tear (Psalm 56) and is wrestling right there with you (Matthew 28:20).

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